Funerals, Chevre Kadisha and Jewish Mourning Rituals
Like many other end-of-life topics, many push off these conversations until it is too late. Sharing your burial and funeral preferences with loved ones will allow them to respect your wishes and relieve them from the financial burdens that families often incur following loss.
Click here to download a burial guide prepared by Mishkan Miami. It will help guide you through Jewish rituals around death.
Why is it Important to Pre-Arrange a Funeral For Yourself or a Loved One?
Prepared by Murray Rubin, Funeral Director, Levitt-Weinstein-Blasberg-Rubin-Zilbert Memorial Chapel* and member of the Mishkan Miami Sacred Jewish Conversation Task Force.
When a person dies without funeral plans, someone in the family — someone who may not be aware of your wishes — decides what kind of funeral you’ll have and where you’ll be buried. They may even decide to have you cremated, which may be against your wishes.
No one really wants to think about death. Have you ever purchased life insurance? Arranging your funeral, like purchasing life insurance, is one more provision you can make for a time when your family must go on without you.
You deserve peace of mind that comes from having taken care of your funeral expenses. A funeral purchased when a death in the family occurs must be paid in full before internment. It often makes a large dent in the family’s budget. When you purchase your funeral before there is a crisis, you may choose from a variety of payment options, some as little as ten percent down. When you buy a pre-need funeral today, you get a discount off of today’s prices and it is guaranteed for as long as you live, thus avoiding inflation. The funds must be trusted in accordance with the pre-need laws of the State of Florida.
You may have a will that states your wishes upon death, but the trouble with that is that wills aren’t generally read until long after the funeral has taken place. With pre-arrangement, you guarantee that you get what you want by making your own arrangements. You’re the decision maker.
Most importantly, when you make a pre-need funeral arrangement you can make rational decisions when there is none of the pressure of a death in the family.
Perhaps you have talked to your family in passing or jest about what kind of funeral you’d like, but do they really know your wishes? Our years of experience with families convince us that it is more considerate, as well as more economical, to make your own funeral arrangements in advance. Loving family members are sometimes so moved by emotion that they may spend more than they would have wanted or could afford.
*Mishkan Miami does not endorse any specific funeral home or cemetery.
Chevre Kadisha and Tahara:
After a Jew dies, a burial society, known in Aramaic as the chevra kadisha (literally, “holy society”) prepares the body for interment. This process, called tahara (purification), involves the ritual cleaning of the corpse. People offer prayers as they engage in the purification process. Tahara is a standard practice in the traditional community, but is becoming more prevalent in the wider Jewish community. It something that people can choose as part of their funeral pre-planning. https://www.jewish-funerals.org
Funeral Choices:
Jews are buried as soon after death as possible, delaying only if mourners are coming from afar. As Jews, we do not purchase expensive burial materials. Traditionally, we buy a plain pine box casket. We do not preserve the body unless it is being transported to another state or country. We do not use make-up or other facial enhancements to mask the process of death. We also traditionally dress the body in a shroud, not beautiful clothing. We also bury the body with a tallit, tefillin and a yarmulke if these were part of someone’s liturgical clothing. However, we do not bury the body with other artifacts or mementos. We do not provide flowers. Often, people will sprinkle some dirt from Israel over the casket prior to burial. People are encouraged to offer tzedakah (charity) or to volunteer to honor the memory of the deceased. Clergy are not required, but are commonly requested to officiate at a burial. Traditional prayers include the El Molei Rachamim, Psalm 23 and the Kaddish. Reading any poetry or texts can be part of the service and a eulogy is commonly given. People sometimes indicate what they want as part of their funeral service.
Mourning Rituals
Jewish mourning rituals correspond to the psychological process of grieving. People engage in a period of mourning that includes shiva, which lasts for seven days after death; shloshim, which lasts for thirty days; and an unveiling of the gravesite to put up a marker sometime before the end of the year usually by eleven months. People light a yahrzeit (memorial) candle at the beginning of shiva, which lasts for seven days and then a 24-hour candle at the anniversary of the death. People commemorate the death at the Yizkor service on the last day of major Jewish holidays of Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Pesach (Passover) and Shavuot and light the yahrzeit candle the evening prior.
Click here to read more about the timeline of Jewish mourning.
Note: Cremation is NOT part of the Jewish tradition for burial. While some people are making this choice due to financial considerations, most Jewish federations have monies set aside for burials for people who cannot afford this expense. In addition, some people are making this choice due to thinking it is more environmentally responsible. This is a false assumption; the smoke and process of cremation is not ecologically sound. Further, in geographic areas where the water table is low, mausoleums can be a legitimate Jewish choice for people. Also, green cemeteries are becoming more frequent and people can look into this as an option for burial.
